Ch. 1.2 – What Am I Going to Do?

Dear Diary,

Life over the next couple weeks was great.  I kept up with my usual schedule of playing guitar, going to work, and banging others.  I managed to work my way all the way up to becoming the band’s manager.  I’m telling you, life couldn’t get any better, and there was nothing that could bring me down.

Or so I thought.

One night after I got home and had started getting undressed, I felt a sudden queasiness.  I didn’t know what it was.  I shrugged it off as something bad that I ate.  Another couple weeks went by, and I was still sick all the time.  I knew I had to be sick.  Maybe it was the flu?

To make matters worse, no matter how much I was puking my brains out, I was still gaining weight!  It was absolutely absurd.  I still shrugged it off for a few more days, throwing myself into work.  It eventually got to the point where I had to go out and buy a new wardrobe.

So, I figured it was finally time to go to the doctor.  Boy, do I wish I hadn’t.  It wasn’t just the flu.  Oh, no.  It was something much worse.  I was pregnant.  I went home, and just stood there for a minute.

How could I have let this happen?  I made every single man use protection.  What am I going to do?  I barely have money to support myself let alone another human being.

The next nine months went rather uneventful.  I stopped having sex with everything that moved, for fear that it would mess up the baby.  My baby.  Listen to me, talking about my baby and stuff.  I never imagined in a million years that I would have a baby.  I told all the men (yes, all) that I was pregnant.  All of the fled the other direction, exclaiming that the baby wasn’t theirs, that they were not going to help, and that they most definitely were NOT paying child support.

That is, all but one man.  James was excited for me.  But then again, I think he’s under the impression that we did not have sex that one night, that we just slept together in the same bed after getting plastered.  Which may very well be the case.  I have no clue.  But it doesn’t matter.  He was there.  Something shattered in me.  I thought all men were scum?

He was there for me all the time, even in times that I didn’t want him there.  He was the complete gentleman.  He slept with me on the nights that I really wasn’t feeling good, just to make sure I was okay.  He would get everything I needed or wanted.  When I say he was the perfect gentleman, I mean it.  He wouldn’t sleep under the covers.  Instead, he stayed on top of them so I didn’t feel as though we were a couple, because he knows how I feel about commitment of that kind.

However, I was starting to think.  This baby is going to need a family.  I can’t stay tied down, though.  It’s completely against everything that I am.  Oh, how I wish my mother were here, or that the baby could tell me what do to.

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2 responses to “Ch. 1.2 – What Am I Going to Do?

  1. Overcookedburger

    Thats really good.. I love it

  2. Oh wow, I wonder what’s going to happen next! I feel kinda bad for Ashlin but I’m also glad that she’s not already hating her unborn baby or anything. I’m also really curious whose kid it is, I hope it’s the nice guy’s kid 🙂

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