Ch. 1.3 – What am I thinking!?

Dear Diary,

The pregnancy flew by like nothing.  It was amazing how big I got;  soon, I thought the doctor might be wrong and that I was going to have twins I was so huge!  However, when the contractions came, I immediately took the subway to the hospital.  It’s amazing how many people will offer to give up their seat to a screaming pregnant woman about to give birth at any minute!

I came home the next day to put my baby girl, Bridgette, in her crib.  It was a cheap and very old crib that I found at a thrift store, but what was I going to do?  I had no spare money after paying rent and other bills.  Money was going to be even tighter now that I had two mouths to feed.  I still couldn’t really tell who the father was, as she had mostly my characteristics.  I couldn’t pinpoint exactly any features of another person yet.

That night, after I was settled in and clean, I was standing by Bridgette just watching her when I heard the door.  I had left it unlocked I guess from all the excitement of finally being home.  I turned to see who it was, and I was pleasantly surprised.

“Hey, Ash, I just wanted to say congratulations on the new baby!  I’m really sorry I wasn’t able to be there for you at the hospital.  I had a lot of things going on, and couldn’t make it.”  I was a little upset that he wasn’t there, but I had shrugged it off because deep down, all men were scum.  I put on a pretty smile.  “Thank you so much, Jason! That’s so sweet of you to think to come.”  He returned my smile with one of his award-winning smiles.

The next two years went by, and he was there for me and Bridgette, just like during my pregnancy.  I dug myself back to work, and he agreed to babysit for me while I was gone.  I was doing everything I could to save money and be able to support my beautiful daughter.  However, nothing ever seemed to be enough.  Bridgette was growing up very quickly, and soon it was very clear as to who the father was.

I don’t know how I missed the shape of the eyes before.  It was clear as day as to who her father was, and I think he started to notice as well.   Jason was really into his daughter, and she equally loved him, too.  Even before we knew that he was the father, she always called him “Daddy.”

“Higher, Daddy, higher!”  She would squeal and laugh.  Yea, they really did love each other.  That was easy to see for anyone.  No mistake about that.  That night, when I got home, Jason placed a sleeping Bridgette into her crib, and took my face in your hands.

“Ashlin, I love you.  I know you’re against being tied down, but look at you.  You’ve let me into your home with our daughter.  There’s no mistake about who’s child she is so don’t even play coy.  I don’t know how it happened, but it did.  And I want you to know, that I will be here.  Always.  I’m never letting you or Bridgette go.”

That broke me.  How could he make it seem like everything my mom taught me was a lie?  I don’t know how it happened, but I walked over to the window in the living room, looked out, and turned around to him standing there by me.

“You know what, Jason?  You’re absolutely right.  I am completely against being tied down.  But you’re the first person of the male species that I felt that could make me change my mind.  Bridgette needs a father in her life, and you’re the only one for her.  And for me.  Though I am not perfect by any means, I’m willing to try to commit to you, if you’ll let me.”  He immediately said yes.

Oh, God, Diary.  What have I done?  I’m not sure I can do this.


One response to “Ch. 1.3 – What am I thinking!?

  1. Aww, yay! Bridgette is adorable and I’m so so so glad she’s going to have a father in her life!

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